Will Quah Dot Com

Being on a tropical island paradise for a few days has seriously put the Christmas mood on the back burner – and helped me to conveniently forget that there are parties to plan, presents to buy, etc. But there’s story out today that’s helped to jog my memory.

You can check out my pad, in all it’s Christmassy glory, in the Star Property Online right here.

Enjoy, and Merry Christmas!

Humbug. And liquorice allsorts too.
WillQ.

No, I’ve not woken up eight years younger or turned into Zac Efron over night (much to the disappointment of who I’m going out with I’m sure) so don’t fret. To be honest, I didn’t even feel seventeen when I was seventeen! But I’ve been feeling younger than I have for a long time for the last few days.

First of all, I’ve started playing a lot of computer games. Which I always did, but the hours spent online and ingame have certainly increased. I guess being housebound with a broken rib for a week or two helps. Having an eighteen year old bad influence brother helps too. But some of these online games are tremendous, however I won’t bore you with the geeky details.

I’ve also developed an unhealthy listening obsession – Taylor Swift’s album “Fearless”. I only started listening to her to support the “Kanye’s an Asshole” movement, but like acne and emo fringes, she’s grown on me in a teenage way. Ok, so she did win Best Adult Contemporary Artist at the AMA’s, so I guess it’s not just me, but when you listen to the lyrics, they’re undeniable teeny (”she wears high heels, I wear sneakers, she’s cheer captain and I’m on the bleachers” – I know that feeling), and despite having a British international school education, I’m a product of American high school TV. It’s a good album though, in a saccharine pop kinda way.

Last night I also watched the premiere of New Moon, part two in the teen allowance funded Twilight franchise. It wasn’t the best film ever, but there were some great effects, and the acting, tho a bit stiff (tho I guess being undead does that to you) managed to convey all those angsty frustrated feelings that you have when you’re seventeen and in love with a dangerous, confusing, self denying beauty. I even found myself getting into the whole “Team Edward” vs “Team Jacob” thing (I wanted to go wearing a tshirt that read “Fang Banger” on the front and “Team Edward” on the back, but I was too lazy to make it). It’s not hard, since most of the people I date are cold, distant, and they usually suck (and not always in the good way). I still think the book was better, but I did like the film. There. I admitted it. I’m a borderlineTwi-hard.

Still, I guess what I’ve really noticed about that heady feeling of being a teenager is how everything that happens to you seems like the biggest thing in the world. As you grow up, you realise just how small you really are, and understand that what happens to you in your life is just a tiny drop in the ocean of experiences that go on each and every day throughout humanity, and that while you may be hurting or happy, no one really knows, and fewer really care. But when you’re a teenager, you can’t understand why the whole world doesn’t cry with your pain, and dance with your joy, and why the skies don’t change with your every mood. It seems wrong that it doesn’t. And it’s nice to feel like you really are the centre of the universe every once in a while, to wallow unashamedly in every emotion, and to know that your pain or happiness, doubt or joy, is all there is, even if it is only for a moment.

And worst of all, today I popped into a record store and bought this.

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I know. That’s like, totally lame, right?

Totally, bro. Totally.
WillQ.

I like chai.

Banal I know. The first time I had chai I was in Camden Market. It was October, and not only was it cold, it was raining. And not big rain, but the sleeting, fine, sideways rain that you get in London, the sort that seems too light to bother you until you realise you’re drenched in all the hard to reach places.

The food area was near the lock, a mad shambles of tables and tents, featuring food ransacked from all over the world, cobbled together by tie-dye and dreaddie wearing (sort of) youths. Great tagines of Moroccan cous cous sat side by side with groaning platters heaped with noodles so oily they glistened in the scant traces of sun. And in the centre of it all, a smallish table dominated by an almighty cauldron, steaming and bubbling like a prop out of a Shakespearean drama.

The smell rising off it like a mist on the moor was a weird mélange of spices, sweet, savoury, and cloying. I was wary at first – the mulled wine was a much safer option in my mind. And it had alcohol in it. And fruit (healthy, see?). But I was “encouraged” to be experimental.

The much braided and little washed man behind the table ladled a volcanically warm mugful… sorry, styrofoam cupful, and handed it over. It warmed my hands right up. The star anise and cloves floating in it gave a moment’s pause though. Still, it smelt lovely, and I had a sip. Then another. And another. The fact that it was slightly watered down with rain dripping slowly from my top lip did nothing to dampen my enjoyment of this amazing new sensation.

I had a voice over today, and went straight over from killing time in a mall. I had bought myself a large chai tea latte, and had it stuffed into the drink holder in the car while I (being a great Malaysian) drove in the rain while chatting on the phone (err… hands free of course). I only got to drink it as I got out of the car and walked to the studio. The rain, which had been torrential all day, had died down to a spitting hail of large fat droplets. As I walked, I sipped the thick, sweet, viscous warmth, and was instantly back in Camden, in the rain, being “encouraged” to try something new.

I like chai.

Boil and bubble.
WillQ.

I’m only 25. That’s not a long time to have been around, but I treasure every moment I’ve been lucky enough to have, and I’m keeping my fingers crossed that I’ll have many more. But still, it’s not a long time, yet I like to think I’ve seen a fair bit in that short time.

What’s funny is that when you’re young, it’s easy to think that people older than yourself aren’t necessarily wiser. While this is sometimes true, they’re probably more experienced, and no matter how staunch you are in your mindsets and convictions, we are what we’ve been through more than anything else. The trials and tribulations, joys and highs we go through, they shape us more profoundly than anything else.

Which is why it’s funny that when you first fall in love, you think it’s the most wonderful thing, and that no one can ever have felt such warm, splendorous feelings. And when you first have your heart broken, it feels as though no one could possibly have felt such pain and anguish. And you doubt you ever will again. But then, you fall in love again. And later, you have your heart broken. Or worse, and sometimes without ever meaning to, you break someone elses. And this goes on and on.

So it’s with a bittersweet pride that you view those same emotions and cycles endlessly spiraling through your life. And no matter how vividly you remember the fire scorching the soft skin of inquisitive fingers, you still reach towards the flame again and again, mesmerised by it’s beauty, and warmed by it’s flickering heat.

Because this time, you may not get burned. You never know if you don’t try.

Do you know love?
WillQ.

I know, I know… I’ll get letters.
WillQ.

I always thought that when you turn the page on a writing block, you open it to a clean, fresh expanse of white, uninspired and uninfluenced by ink or lead or life. That when you reach the middle of nowhere, and turn to face another journey, you begin again on a brand new path, untamed and unknown. That when the run of the play had finished, and the stage was swept clean, and the posters torn down, and the frayed costumes stowed away into big bin liners, black as shadows in the night and as easily forgotten, the new ideas and directions and players would come streaming in from the too bright sunshine, excited and busy and full of vitality in a way that only those untouched by time and disappointment can be, to blow away the dust and start something completely new.

But I’m starting to realise that this isn’t the case.

The new page may be plain, but it’s still thin enough to catch a glimpse of the text beneath it, the slight hint of a phrase, a word backwards and mirrored but recognised, spiderweb shadows lurking beneath the surface of that clean new slate, waiting to pull at nibs and tug at the unwanted thoughts you meant to leave buried, and your unhurried and supposedly random writings seem to inexorably follow the slant and curve of the lines made before them, and those before them, and those before them, forever and ever, back to the beginning.

The brand new path is never new, and before long, what looked like uncharted underbrush gives way to a worn track, your feet falling comfortably into the impressions left by dozens of such steps made before, each in a vain attempt to move away from the very point you left, but always, always, curving back to where you, and all, began.

And sometimes, even though the stage is gone, the players different, the script only a distant echo of applause and a half forgotten memory of a curtain rising and falling to billows of dust and hard shafts of light, you find that the new play has the same words, the same scenes, the same themes, the same feelings of love, and betrayal and confusion, even if the costumes and characters are different.

And so you stop, for that briefest of moments, as your pen traces flowing darkness across the pale page, as you climb uphill (and ever so very slightly to the left) through paths thought unknown, as you tread the boards and a phrase that’s so hauntingly familiar it hurts as it bursts from your tongue like a lash of fire and elicits the same scripted response that is both expected and yet so surprising it cuts to the bone, and realise that sometimes, we are doomed to move our feet inexorably through the same steps in this long dance that is life, sometimes the lead, and sometimes the chorus line, but always in time to the beating of hearts that confuse the aches and joys of love with the fear and desperation of loneliness, and hope’s shafts of light with fear’s big black bin liner.

Take me home.
I’m tired of dancing.

Two, Three, Kick, Turn,
WillQ.

Happy new year, and not just for those of you celebrating Chinese New Year. It’s still January, and sometimes, in the rush of the actual new year, you forget that it’s a time for new beginnings… or rather, you know that bit, but you forget to actually act on those new beginnings. I know I have… the first few weeks of the year have gone by in a blur, and the rest of what looks set to be a great year seems to be zooming closer with startling speed. So, it’s time to remember what some of my resolutions are, or at least, try and pass some off as what I’d actually intended them to be all along.

1 ) I will appreciate where I live. It sounds like a given, and as someone who lives here not so much by necessity as by choice, it seems like an obvious thing to do. But I’m always amazed at how easy it is to slip into the hard, mean attitude of poking holes into this proud nation. Yes, the politics are as screwed up as a childrens’ playground. Yes, the legal system is shot, and the crime is explosive. Yes, the service industry isn’t, and the public works don’t. Yes, there’s a lot to be cleaned up, sorted out, and put right. But lets not forget just how many great things there are here, the late night shopping, the awesome buildings, the great sights, the amazing culture, and the truly phenomenal food. It’s no wonder people come here for holidays, and why it’s no great task to convince people to live here (for which I am VERY thankful!).

2 ) I will try new things. Again, you’d think it’s a given for me, considering all the things I do. But I am actually quite a creature of comfort, and I tend to put things off whenever I can. But having said that, so do lots of people. It’s a sad fact that many people will miss out on the best times/days/loves/chances of their lives because they were too scared/tentative/lazy to try something new, and not just try it, but to really give it your 110%. The worst that happens is you’re rubbish, and that’s it. But if it’s good, it can be great. I’m gonna try and add a new hobby to my life every month for the whole year. Fingers crossed.

3 ) I will value my friends and family. Again, I’m sure everyone does. I do. But it’s hard some times to really get to know people and to give them the time and energy they deserve. I’m not talking about hanging out with everyone on your facebook list every week (because most people have their lists full of acquaintances, not friends), but with the handful of real friends. True, you may not need to see them very often to keep that bond alive, but like a plant, a little nurturing can help it survive during the dry seasons, to flower, and maybe even bear fruit.

4 ) I will travel. Surprisingly, last year was the first year in a long time that included 2 overseas trips for me. I tend to prioritise work over actually doing things. While this means that I can afford more holidays, it does also mean that I hardly take any. So, I intend to see more of the world we live in before Al Gore’s doom laden prediction come true and the planet becomes a huge, hot ball of polluted water traversed by scruffy Kevin Costner types in makeshift catamarans.

5 ) I will try to be a better person. Ok, so I’m not exactly Hitler, but I think anyone who drives on a Malaysian road, or who has lost their temper at a shop or club will admit that it’s not a nice experience. The slight thrill of being a shit is by far outweighed by the stress of engaging in the first place. So, even though it pains me to do so, I’m trying to be a more calm, collected, nice person. And while I’m at it, I’m also subscribing to the whole “make someone smile everyday” idea. Don’t worry, I’m not going to be David Archuletta any time soon, but if everyone can be a little more friendly, we all benefit.

6 ) I will throw things away. I’m guilty of hording crap. Most of it is definitely usable stuff, so I don’t feel bad about it, but in the hopes of clearing up my living space a little, and also in the interest of creating more space for others, I’m gonna start going through things, and deciding what I can live without. Clothes in particular… I still have quite a few from when I was 15, and I really doubt I’ll be wearing those any time soon. The upside will be that I may actually start being able to find the things I DO need!

7 )I will start recycling. While we’re on the topic of throwing things away, how about recycling? A lot of people want to, but not many do. I’ve actually got two bins now, one little one for all the actual refuse, and another for all the glass, plastic and metal, which are in separate bin liners. I’ve not started on cardboard and paper, on account of the masses of the stuff I seem to go through, and my need for one more bin! But I’ll get there. Now if only there were more actual places to dump the recycled stuff…

8 ) I will finish what I start. I have a terrible tendency to get very wrapped up in things, only to lose interest later and leave them to languish forever. It’s led me to be likened to Toad off the Wind in the Willows. While I always liked the David Jason voiced clay amphibian, I have noticed that a lot of my life issues are due to not finishing what I start. So, from now on I will. In fact, if more people just made sure that things were carried through with (roads, building maintenance, laws, development, political promises, etc.), this country may be a little better overall.

9 ) I will not procrastinate. I’ve got loads to say about this one, but I’ll write about it later, next week maybe, I’m just so busy right now…

10 ) I will take more photos. I was recently going through my old photos, and it’s amazing to have all those memories immortalised there on the screen forever. It’s funny how much we trick ourselves into thinking we remember, and how much photos can bring back to the forefront of the mind. I’m often bitterly disappointed with myself for not having more photos from more of the special moments in my past, so the idea from now on is to carry the damn camera, and to actually take photos.

So there you have it. A long winded look at some not quite new year’s resolutions. And to show that it’s not just all talk type, here’s a photo that proves I’ve already started on 1, 2, 3, and 10 by going to the KL Bird Park with some good friends.

Flock together. You know you want to.

WillQ.

by Robert Frost

Some say the world will end in fire,
Some say in ice.
From what I’ve tasted of desire
I hold with those who favor fire.
But if it had to perish twice,
I think I know enough of hate
To say that for destruction ice
Is also great
And would suffice.

In confusion,
WillQ.

I’m dealing with a lot more news these days. In case you haven’t watched it yet (because you can’t be arsed to wake up at 7am, for which I cannot blame you), there’s a great new show on ntv7 in the mornings, and we do deal with stuff from the papers, albeit in a somewhat less risque way than on radio. Still, what with floods, fires, terrorists, pirates, Americans, Gaza, and the kindergarten games that pass for politics in this country, there’s always something to get you down in the morning.

What we need is more news like this…

Everything is just fine. Really.
WillQ.

It’s well and truly the Christmas season now. There’s no denying it. The carols are playing, the trees are all up, and the Christmas parties have begun.

And it feels wonderful. There’s something about Christmas that just brings warmth and cheer to everything. Everything feels like it has a bit more purpose. Everything feels a little happier. It’s a great time of year.

One thing that did worry me about this year was putting up the tree all alone. Yep, it’s the first time I had to do it. But luckily Naomi had a fabulous idea – take a “me” night, a bottle of wine, some great Christmas music, and just make it a fun little project.

And I did.

There’s something deeply satisfying, I’ve now found, about doing things in your own way and by yourself. It still can’t beat doing things with someone you love, and want to have around you all day and all night long, but there’s a charm to it that you learn to love once you break past the initial loneliness. My only concern is, being single is addictive.

But hey, the tree looks great!

Since Christmas is right around the corner, I went Christmas album shopping (it’s a tradition), and I found a real gem from Sarah McLachlan (who you’ll notice I’ve been a bit obsessed with recently) called “Wintersong”. There’s a link to it in the sidebar, and this is one of my favourites – The First Noel, done in true Sarah McLachlan style. The visuals are a bit weird, but enjoy the music.

Think I’ll call him Doug?
WillQ.